I was talking to a friend about a recent family visit and she commented that her “shark music” played a lot more than she would have liked. I Haven’t heard the metaphor of shark music before, and it immediately made so much sense to me.

We label situations where we are subconsciously, or consciously acting out of fear as hearing shark music. Duh–duh, duh- duh…

The idea is that when shark music is playing in our heads, we are operating in fight, flight, freeze, or faint mode, and unable to think rationally, experience empathy, engage in collaborative problem-solving, or act with compassion.

The problem with shark music is that, just like a shark, it comes out of nowhere. You are happily swimming or engaging with the people around you and all of a sudden you are triggered, your childhood fears and behaviours are running wild. The shark music is booming in your head and very often the people around you have no idea why you are angry or upset because they aren’t spotting the same shark.

Sometimes you are self-aware enough to realise why you are hearing shark music and emotionally mature to recognise your response and understand that it is within your power to change it but sometimes there are sharks all around you and you need a shark spotter or a lifeguard to help bring you back to safety.

A good mediator is generally a good shark spotter.

• She can see when you are triggered out of context. When past experiences are impacting the now and the future.
• She will ask questions about what is going on for you while holding space.
  She will encourage empathy and understanding.
• Her demeanor encourages a settled nervous system which is important for clear thinking and problem solving.
• Knows from experience why it is important to understand and acknowledge emotions before we can move to problem solving and resolution.

Naëtt Atkinson